Gone Streaking

Hello Blogger, my Old Friend
I've come to post on you again
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of the Interwebz....

(apologies to Simon & Garfunkel)

So first things first:  HELLO!! *waves*

So, about this streaking...  yea, I've been doing it! And I love it!!

Oh, um, sorry, this isn't the naked, run out on a baseball field/basketball court/down the office hall kind that was so prevalent in the 1970s... Oh, the Seventies... *wistful sigh*  It IS, however, exercising in an unbroken streak for, like, always!  I first heard of the idea from my friend Christie, she applies it to running - in fact I think it is a runner's "thing" - and then I co-opted it for myself.

The concept is simple: Run every day at least one mile.

That is it. Every day. One mile and from what I hear, once you get suited up and go, you don't just run your mile and stop, you run your mile and keep going. It sounded cool and easy, you know, if I was a runner... but I am not a runner. I am a 265lb 41.33 yr old obese women who has been exercise adverse My. Entire. Life... what to do, what to do?  Oooh, Oooh! I know! I know!

YOGA!

So, I thought about it for a few weeks, probably a month, or three... *ahem* Then one day, I don't know why, I got a Groupon to a yoga studio a few minutes from my house.  Then a few weeks later I sucked up all my insidious Jr. High School doubt and went to yoga... And I loved it! I found a groovy studio with an awesome vibe and cool people and, and, and I just wanted to go back and keep going back.

And then it happened... I became a streaker.  As of this moment I have been to the yoga studio (or done yoga with a DVD at home (once)) for the past 10 days.  TEN DAYS!! I have EXERCISED for 10 days CONSECUTIVELY!  Woooo! And get this, I LIKE IT!

I mean I TRULY LIKE IT! I like the classes (I've been to a variety of classes at the studio... that is another blog post) and I like exercising everyday.  I am feeling pretty awesome and the weirdest thing is happening, something that I do not think has happened in all of my 41.33 years...

I WANT TO EXERCISE! I LOOK FORWARD TO EXERCISE! I SCHEDULE TIME TO EXERCISE AND STICK TO IT!

I can't explain it and I don't want to.  What I want to do is to keep streaking! 

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

For more info on streak running go to the United States Running Streak Association.

To find a yoga studio in your area check out this directory from Yoga Journal.

And lastly, because the song is stuck in my head and probably yours, too: 

My Quarterly Post

So, as I am wont to do, I have let the blog languish for approximately 3 months. I am apparently really good at quarterly posts! HA

Today's post is pretty much a cut and paste of a FB discussion a friend, and fellow fit-at-40 struggler, and I had this morning.

It all stemmed from my sharing of this article from the awesome site MindBodyGreen. If you haven't been there you should go.  Go there now and read the article. It is short. I'll wait. :D

Ok, so "relaxing about food" was the topic that led to the following:

Me: [about the article post] This. Exactly! YES!! (for me anyway)

Friend: I am the same way. I need to do this as well. One of my friends mentioned how she changed her relationship with food and she was able to lose weight. I have become obsessed with this comment. What does this mean? I asked her a million questions and still no insight into what this means.

Me: You know, just yesterday I was thinking on this very thing. Last year I lost 20lb "without even trying" and I was revisiting HOW that was even managed. I did 1 key thing... "gave up" meat - which really just forced me to not eat fast food and to eat LOTS more fruit, veg, and legumes. I was "veggie" for about 8months total. I realize it wasn't that I was giving up meat, it was that I gave up FAST FOOD, and I mean all types... processed food in general. I felt better, I looked better (skin-wise), and I really didn't miss fast food.

Me: I went back to eating meat, because, well, meat is delicious... but unfortunately I fell back into my bad habits of waiting too long to eat, snarfing food in my car (from a bag), and then being guilty for "being bad" - of course that slippery slope led to "well I am already "off track" now I'll have this (insert "bad food" here)." I have to get back to a healthy relationship with ALL food. I have tried WW, I have tried restrictive diets, Slim-Fast, Phen-Fen (remember those pills?), all crap crap crap. And when the only thing I was cutting out was meat (read: fast food) I was at peace with food. I was trying more things on menus, I was NOT eating in my car!!! I was shedding pounds WITHOUT ACTIVELY TRYING. I need to revisit this. And this time keeping good quality lean meat and "giving up" fast food.

Me: And I also stopped "counting" - tracking calories, fat, carbs, sodium IS EXHAUSTING and emotionally draining. I did measure out fats & carbs until I got a grasp on REAL portion sizes, but let the veg & fruit fill half my plate. I think why I get so mad at myself is that I KNOW what I need to do, I just don't do it! WOW... this turned into what should be one of my blog posts! HA!   

  

Ok, so this was less a conversation and more me talking about my experiences/thought processes.  I think what it boils down to for me is that I am tired of food being BAD. I am tired of feeling guilty if I want French fries on occasion. I am tired of feeling shame for enjoying a delicious dessert with my husband (or on my own).  I am tired of hearing women (mostly) talk about "being bad" because they had a full-fat latte... and *gasp* a biscotti.  I am sad that I wasted so much of my life (20+ years!!!) fretting about a tablespoon of this and a 1/2c of that... 250calories of this and 12oz of that... meal replacements - shakes & bars.... instead of just ENJOYING MY LIFE.

When I took "meat" - really FAST FOOD - out of my life I was so much happier... and I wasn't obsessing. You know what I WAS doing? Eating well! Cooking at home. Packing healthy lunches. EATING VEGETABLES... and fruit... and legumes.   

So you know what? I am gonna do that again... I need to be FAST FOOD FREE and VEGGIE FULL!

Who's with me?

 

 

Refreshed

After the grand purge that was last night's blog post I cried a while, chatted with a few friends on FB about my Dad, fought a RAGING sinus headache, cried some more, and then took the hottest shower possible at 1am.  After some decongestants I went to bed around 2am and really didn't sleep. My head was pounding, my left eye felt like it was about to shoot out of my face... No real sleep. 

Lupe left at about 6:30 and I got up for more decongestants and a pain killer (Advil) and finally slept. Til Noon! Man, I woke up feeling rested, but drained. You know that feeling after you have had a real crying jag...  so I took it easy today.  I took out the trash, drank some coffee, read a bit, and generally was mellow.  The weather was blah and it suited me fine to just stay in my jammies for a few hours.

Blogging last night was really a good move. Cathartic. Cleansing. Refreshing.

Today I got my dissertation introduction back from my committee chair. It was good. He had a lot of comments/suggestions and I feel like I have some direction.  Getting started is the HARDEST part. It truly is. i have a lot of work ahead of me, but I feel like a plan is in place now and I am not alone, not really.  I chose my advisor/chair well.  He is a good fit for not only my topic, but for the way I work.  He is very efficient and will keep me on track.

So that was good thing #1 today. 

#2 - I stuck with my decision to go to yoga even though I was not feeling it.  I HAD to go to Arlington to pick up our Urban Acres produce share (#3) by 5:30 and yoga began at 5:45pm.  No excuse not to go.

The produce is GORGEOUS! and I have to try making kale chips, daikon pickles, and kohlrabi slaw (kohl slaw) this week.

Urban Acres - half share - Back up off my Honeycrisps!

So yoga. This was a new class for me. I have not been to the Friday night Dharma Gentle.  So it was new. The instructor was new to me. I was ok going in. She was lovely, talked to me before class about my yoga level, any injuries, needs etc.  And I was glad to be able to say that I knew adaptive poses for the ones I cannot fully do yet. The class was challenging but good.  There were two distinct times I found myself thinking, "ugh, if my belly wasn't so big I could reach... If I wasn't so fat I could..."

BUT (and I am proud of this) I just pushed those thoughts away. I told myself I was just beginning. I told myself that it didn't matter that I was the fattest person in the room, can't do a plank, have to do an adaptive Cat-Cow, have to do a Wall Dog, and that I have to use a strap to hug my knees to my chest (well, as close to my chest as possible at this point).  I am just starting this journey and it is OK to do what I can do in the moment.  And you know what? It was. 

My upper back and my legs are hella sore! HA!  AND I LIKE IT!  I have a Hatha Gentle class at 10:30 tomorrow and I am really looking forward to it. :D

I came home, had some yummy Turkey Divan Noodle casserole and went to the bookstore with my love.  a good night, indeed!

Let's keep this path, shall we?

Tomorrow I have to pick up an order of stuff from Lane Bryant - I think I will peruse their exercise wear, I need warmer things for the studio. I have yoga at 10:30am and need a few groceries. 

I think I will weigh in the morning. No matter the number, it will be OK. It is only the starting point, after all.

Whoa, I still have a blog?

hi *sheepishly waves*

yea, hey, about this blog... uuuuhhhh... yea. I kinda ababdoned it and uh, forgot about it... and have no excuse really.

So, here we go again. Starting AGAIN. And like my friend Jen over at Pin Up in Stitches said to me once, "If you are tired of starting over, stop QUITTING!"

I HAVE TO STOP QUITTING!


OK, I have to get my shit together! I have not weighed lately, but can tell that I have gained my weight back. I don't know if I have gained all that I lost, but I have gained enough back to notice. I tossed all my 24s because I am not going back there. I tossed my 22s because I am not going back there either... my 20s are comfortable and my 18s are not... I have moved in the wrong direction and I need to get going again.

It is not like I am even sitting around the house all day eating candy, chips, and ice cream. It is that I am back to bad, BAD, bad habits... like fast food, fried & cheesy laden items at restaurants, which are YUM, but not ALL THE TIME!  and I am not drinking enough water.

I am unhappy.

I am tired.

I am too fat for my cute workout clothes - because I. quit. working. out. 


so, here we are, I am 40 and 3/4 and no closer to being fit than when I started at age 37.  When will I finally say. THIS IS IT!  When will I find peace with myself and love to workout and eat healthy.  Y'all know I love food. And I love to cook. And I love to cook good food.  I was posting pics of at least 2 meals a day on FB... because they were my healthy, veggie laden yums, and HUJASS salads (to borrow from Wendy at I See Fit People.) I don't really post pics now... because i am ashamed of my meal choices.

Yes, I know I make them. I know. I am sad. I am lazy. And perhaps borderline depressed...  I am trying to tackle three HUGE, OVERWHELMING things all at once (out-of-control-bordering-on-hoarder-house (my secret shame), weight/health, dissertation).  I am trying to figure out how to accomplish all three things in small bites to make them doable.  Right now I look at my 3 big mountains and just walk away. And hide. On the internet. On Facebook. because it is fun and happy and instant pleasure/gratification.

I have a problem. A FB/Internet problem. We all know this.

ugh, I just had to get that out... a purge if you will.

I think that because today would have been my Dad's 63rd birthday I am all angsty and melancholy and blah about myself.  He was 43 when he died and the closer I get to there the more I realize that A) that is effing young and B) I want to go way past there and won't if I continue down this particular path.

Sorry to end on such a bummer. The blog won't all be HUGE downers, I promise. some will be fun.

OK, 2 positives about tomorrow:

1. I pick up my produce share at 5-ish and there are new veggies to try - Kohlrabi & Daikon radishes.
2. I have yoga tomorrow night at 5:45 and WILL go!

Thanks in advance for the love and support you guys continue to show me.