Thursday, July 21, 2011

The one about choices

So Dear Readers (apparently I am Miss Manners, or Dear Abby now...) I have to address a thing. It is not a great big thing, but a thing I need to address in any case.

I have to be happy being me and I have to be happy with what I do and how I do it. I am making healthful strides (YAY! 10lbs down!) and am very happy about it. I am exercising and am very happy about that, too. What I have to be careful of is being too radical, being too structured, and not being me.

Here is what I mean:

If I want a burger, I am gonna eat a burger. With bacon & cheese, if I want. Just not every day.

If I want a piece of cheesecake same rules apply.

I am a foodie. I love food, good food, especially, but sometimes I just want some tater tots (preferably from Sonic, and preferably with mustard).

Here is my realization... my "diets" in the past have failed because I was "trying" too hard. I was so wrapped up in WHAT I was eating (or not as the case usually is) that eating was not enjoyable, not pleasurable, was a task, a horrible chore that had to be done just so or I was a horrible, big, fat, failure.

I am talking about this tonight because I realized that I have a few food related hang-ups, and no, not the fact that I don't like raw tomatoes, or that I think all raw mushrooms taste like dirt (THEY DO!!), I realized I was feeling shame because I enjoyed a really good hamburger (with bacon and cheese) and some Cajun-seasoned fries with my husband tonight. I felt like a big failure because "how am I supposed to lose weight if this is what I am doing to myself" kept running through my head.

And I realized... NO! STOP!

I enjoyed my dinner. I had a wonderful, tasty meal with my husband. And a nice, relaxing, & fun time, too. Will I eat like that tomorrow, probably not. Am I aware of the food choices I make? Yes. Is it the end of the world? No. Will I still lose weight despite this one meal? All signs point to yes.

I am allowed to eat what I want. I have the wisdom (which is getting honed daily)to make good/better choices. I am not going to feel shame because I had a burger with my man. It is an interesting thing, I never feel particularly proud when I eat a plain chicken breast with steamed veggies.... NO MORE FOOD GUILT!

I kinda feel free already.

And for those of you who say I am making an excuse for bad eating behaviors, I kindly agree to disagree with you. This post is not about food but about the feelings of shame derived from food being labeled as "good" or "bad."

That's all.

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