8 - not great

So, I have gained 8# back. I have been eating shit-tons of junk and not drinking water and definitely not exercising (except those few days I did the yoga - oh 2 weeks ago, and my spare room/new office demolition day). 

I am sad, and honestly depressed about it all. This is a life long struggle and it SUCKS ASS. I seem to have a mental (?) block of some kind - all you armchair (and real) psychiatrists/psychologists/life coaches help a sister out here. 

I KNOW what I need to do, I KNOW what works for me, why am I not doing it???

This is a verbal vomit, brain purge, ramble, but I have to get it out. I am really sad about this. I keep quitting, and restarting is awful. I think a lot of this has to do with being overwhelmed with the dissertation and other responsibilities. I have just kind of shut down. I am just doing the bare minimum of anything - sounds scarily like depression to me, but I am not sure.  It may be more like "head in the sand and all will be fine" action.


Facebook, Pinterest, and food have been my refuge...

SO

Things I am doing this week get back on track:

Drinking lots of water
Not eating meat (keeps me out of the drive-thrus)
Participating in the 1000 Squat Challenge from I See Fit People

One day at a time, right?


M.

No, No, NO! :((

my number is moving in the wrong damn direction...  8lb gain = no bueno.  I seriously slacked off, ate crap, stopped exercising.  Me no likie.  Back to logging food, exercising, and making better choices.

That is all today.

Recommittment (again)!

OK I recommitted myself today. 

I weighed in - 259.4 (only a 4# gain, not 5 like I thoughts - I AM so happy I never popped back into the 260s!!) - and started tracking what I eat again on MyFitnessPal. I realize that without that accountability I just go crazy with the eating. 

And, I am going back to a mostly vegetarian lifestyle.  Slipping of the veg wagon sent me right back to Fast Food Hell...  :(

Tonight I am going back to the yoga class I have been saying for a month that I am going back to. (better check their June schedule...)

 Stay supportive peeps, you have been a HUGE help to me! 

An Inconvenient Truth

Scrolling through FB this morning, I saw the below reposted by my friend Jennifer Coulter.  It is exactly the thing I needed to see. It is very true.  I got REAL cocky with the 21lb weight loss and very confident that "I got this" and went back to my old habits, eating and sloth-wise, and well... i have regained 5lb, feel sluggish, bloated, and gross. I need to recommit. TODAY!!  

Metabolic Effect

3 hours ago

The inconvenient truth of body change is this: Once you attain fat loss you can NEVER return to your old way of eating PERIOD. This idea that you are going to go on a diet and then return to your old relationship and habits with food is simply false. It is the single most difficult mind shift people must make. Once you change you change for good, there is no going back. The fastest path to permanent body change is accepting this truth and embracing it. Its worth it.

Just like starting over. Starting OOOVAAAAH!

So instead of blogging all about my free-fall into a full-blown relapse of the highest order, which is what I came here today to do, i.e. have a super mopey, pity party for one bemoaning all the poor choices I have made in the last few weeks (resulting in a 5lb regain) I thought of a John Lennon song and found it on YouTube.  I listened to it for the first time in ages. I truly listened to the lyrics and decided it should be a love song to me from me and that I would post it here as a reminder that starting over isn't necessarily a bad/sad/depressing thing.  It can be exciting and giddy and a reminder of all the good things that can come from loving someone.

Now I am gonna make myself a healthy snack, groove to some more Lennon, take my #photoadayjune pic before I forget about it, then get back to some dissertation stuff.

M.