Ugh, I am right back where I started back in June 2010, or whenever I started this blog. Meh. I have realized that I am really fantastic at planning and starting all kinds of things, the follow-through and completing are where I drop off. Hello, I have 2 ex-husbands. HA! Seriously though, this is not just about my quest to be fit. Just looking at my disorganized house, my boxes of half finished craft projects, and the fact that my doctoral exams are a mere 5 weeks away and I am just now getting serious about them is telling.
Anyway, what this journey has taught me so far is some awareness about myself. I am all SIS! BOOM! BAH! RAH! RAH! RAH! at the beginning and really dedicated and then it just wanes. I need to find out why the waning occurs.
Am I ADD? Maybe. Do I just lose interest? Sometimes. Do I want it to be easy and accomplished swiftly? Um, yeah...
What I need to figure out how is to sustain my interest over the long haul.... That in itself is gonna take some time.
Ok, so shape, the title of today's post. I am increasingly aware of my body, my weight, and my shape in relation to "normal", "healthy", and to other people. And I know that according to not only my physical appearance, but to the numbers on BMI charts, I am Morbidly Obese. I have to do something about this... Obese is one thing, but to have the adverb version of morbid modifying it is pretty bad...
dictionary.com defines 'morbid' as:
- suggesting an unhealthy mental state or attitude; unwholesomely gloomy, sensitive, extreme, etc.: a morbid interest in death.
- affected by, caused by, causing, or characteristic of disease.
- pertaining to diseased parts: morbid anatomy.
- gruesome; grisly.
My current shape, and this is not me being funny, is Venus of Willendorf.
I pretty much look like this, you know, if I were naked and wearing a knitted beanie. I have had big boobs pretty much forever and the fact that my belly now protrudes past them is not cool.
I used to look like this - back in 19 and 93. I realize I was a mere 20 and about to go into the US Army, but DAMN! I want to feel this spectacular again. (I DO NOT want to be 20 again, mind you.) I would like to have just the one chin, a defined jaw, collar- and hipbones you can see, a defined waist, boobs that fit into "cute" bras... and be fit! I was fit here - really fit and healthy, too.
That dress SCREAMS 1993 doesn't it? We don't even need to talk about my hair - haha!
I remember the pure joy, though, of having to take that dress in all through the waist and hips to wear it to this college function (it had a previous life as a prom dress a year or so before) because I had recently lost weight and firmed up.
Ok, so I have been tracking my calories on Livestrong.com's My Plate. and that is giving me an honest look at what I am consuming and what my choices mean. Livestrong's site (which is free, buy the way) also lets me input my weight and other measurements, it gave me a recommended daily calorie allowance to lose 2lb/week, and I can track all of this in handy graphs. I don't know about you but watching the graph move steadily down is awesome. What is not awesome is seeing it pop back up to where it began. I have been plugging in all my meals, snacks, drinks, aimless eatings and learning from it. SO there is hope yet.
Yea, so this has gotten long and rambly and I have stuff to do... like prepare for those exams.
Dislclaimer: I found Livestrong.com searching for something else and began using the MyPlate on my own. I am not receiving anything from Livestrong.com except what I learn from using the tools on their site.