This weekend was ERG! for a number of reasons and I let it be an excuse to eat a half a bowl of queso compuesto with chips & tortillas from Chuy's for lunch and half an order of cheese sticks for dinner on Saturday as a way to soothe my soul/anger/PMS/I'll-do-what-the-hell-I-want-screw-you attitude. I know eating to soothe emotion is no bueno, but is probably something I have done my entire life and am just now learning to try and stop and assess the situation before proceeding with the feeding. These are some things I have been noticing over the past few months leading up to my realization that I need to regain control of my life:
- I eat mindlessly - if I have a bag of chips I will just eat & eat them, but if I have them in a bowl I stop when the bowl is empty. OR for example, just the other day, at Lupe's office, I took one of each of the varieties of mini candy bars (snickers, kitkat, twix, rolo, midnight mars bar, and 3 musketeers) in the front desk candy bowl and ate them all in a matter of minutes when I really didn't want them, I was just bored waiting for Lupe to get off from work. This relates to observation #2.
- If it is there I want to eat it & I want to eat it all - chips, cookies, candy, et cetera. If it is around I want to eat it all, all of it until it is all gone. Cookies for breakfast w/my coffee. Maybe 3 more with an afternoon cup. 3 more after dinner.... So I have to NOT buy such things. I remember getting a coffee mug full of mini candy bars (those damn Snickers again) as a Christmas gift from a coworker several years back. Every day that mug tormented me. I wanted that candy so badly, but had said I would only eat 1 piece a day. Of course, I ate the contents of the mug in one afternoon... and felt a mixture of guilt and relief about it. Guilty that I had eaten probably 15 pieces of candy in one sitting, yet relief that it was no longer there preoccupying my mind! Sad, but true.
- I have a tendency to "wolf" my food down - I used to blame the Army for that, having to race through chow to get back to whatever we were supposed to do next. I realize that that is a convenient excuse, but I really wasn't in the Army long enough to develop that kind of long-term habit. I have noticed over the last few months that when I eat, I eat 3 fries at a time, or a pile of chips at once, or I eat my piece of toast/slice of pizza in 3-4 bites, stuffing it all in so I can have more. I act like I won't get to have more, or that someone is about to take it away... I cannot explain this, but I am sure it relates to the 2 things above. I have been more conscious about how people around me are eating and compare it to what I am doing. It is interesting.
- Places I have been frequenting (to eat) are full of obese people - yea, I really noticed this the week after the wedding when Lupe & I went out to Fossil Rim Wildlife Preserve. We stopped in a small town at the Dairy Queen for burgers & ice cream and I was looking around while we were waiting for our food. Everyone in there (with the exception of 2 of the teen employees) were obese. I am not talking a little fat, I mean HUGE. Embarrassingly huge. Had a 100lb on me at least. Even the children were big. It was sad. I registered that as I ate my Peanut Buster Parfait and filed it away for later. But then I started noticing it more and more in the places I go... with the exception of the Thai place, the Indian place, and the Lebanese place... hmmm... notice an ethnic pattern?
- I am lazy - I opt for the quick fix every time. Today I am at home with a fridge full of fruit & veg. I was hungry and just ate a bowl of cottage cheese and some cheddar popcorn, because it was easy. :(